To Spank, or Not to to Spank... That is the question

Spankings are one of those conversations that no one really wants to have. However, disciplining is mentioned in the Bible, an age-old reference for many. In my opinion, there are so many afraid to speak on it because of the many laws that have changed over the years and parents are just plain "afraid" to spank their children. As a mom of four children, I have had my share of disciplining children by spankings. Statistics have shown that children need structure and stability in their lives in order to grow and develop. This does not mean beat them every time they do something wrong, but a nice little sting on the bottom or hand is a friendly reminder that the behavior they are displaying is not acceptable.

One of the set backs with disciplining, in my opinion and from my experience with different parents, is that parents don't start at an early age with disciplining their children. They look up one day, and they have a 3-4 year old falling out in the middle of the floor having a tantrum in the local mall or store and they are embarrassed and want answers as to why this is happening. It's simple: when the behavior initially began, it was disregarded and never handled appropriately. Children should learn early on that for every action, there is a reaction...cause and effect. "If I do this, then this will happen". We have to start speaking with our children in the womb. I'm sure many of you parents have heard this, right? It is very beneficial that we set the tone for our children at an early age. From infancy to about age 3, facial expressions and a very stern voice, when necessary works wonders. It's not that you want to make your children afraid of you in the literal sense, but you do want them to fear disappointing you. Does that make sense?

The key to disciplining is consistency. There are some things, that as parents, we can overlook, but there are things which should not be overlooked and should be addressed immediately. Not listening and following directions is something that should never be overlooked. If you say you are going to do something, do it. This will teach your children that they can count on you, depend on you, and it is consistency. If you scold them for doing something, always scold them for that behavior. Don't let it "slide" because you don't feel like exerting the energy at the particular moment.

When you speak to your children, do not stand over them. They already know you're bigger and taller; stoop down to their level and get eye contact with them and look them directly in the eye when you speak with them. Use facial expressions to show disappointment, gratitude, and pleasure.

Language. Use lots of language with your child/dren. The most frustrating thing for a young child is the inability to express themselves properly. Toddlers often find themselves stuck in the developmental stage of Autonomy vs Shame and Doubt (Erikson), meaning, they want to be independent but find themselves struggling because they lack the "words" to say (in a sense) "I got this Mommy" so the inability to say what they feel leads to shame and doubt. As parents, it's our job to give them that confidence, the language.

I will post more on this subject, I just wanted to spark your interest and hear from you as parents. Tell me, what are your strategies when it comes to disciplining your children?

Until we chat again...

Amid the Chaos...

Even though there has been CHAOS, we still managed to keep on moving because that's what we do in the Evans household! LOL.
I thought I'd share a few pics with you all. Oh...Also, the lil ones started school on the 13th and 14th...

  • Friday night, Haley and I attended the Mindless Behavior Concert at the Nokia Center
  •  Saturday we took Prettie back to ASU
  • Sunday night we returned and went to bed
  • because I re-injured my back somehow
  • Monday...Cheer and Basketball practice (I do Cheer and Hubby does BBall)
  • Tuesday...Sparks game. JJ and Haley went on the court to meet the players and get signed balls. We sat directly in front of the USA Olympics Water Polo Team with Gold Medals in hand!
  • Wednesday...Cheer
  • Thursday...Scrimmage Game (Haley Cheering)
  • Friday and Saturday...New Carpet
Haley with the Water Polo Team

JJ is in an OFFICIAL 7th Grader now

Haley is an OFFICIAL 3rd Grader now

Headed to the concert...

Tickets in hand...

Saw some friends at the concert. I've never heard so many screaming girls!

JJ getting her ball on the court

JJ and her teammates

And what have you all been up to?

In A Word...CHAOS

My life is nothing short of hectic on a daily basis. To add more to it would spell out CHAOS! Well, me being me, I did just that! I added remodeling our apartment to my already busy list. Now mind you, I'm by no means doing any of it myself; I'm sort of requesting and getting what has been long overdue. However, getting an entire three bedroom apartment painted and having new carpet installed while living in it is... hmm... CHAOTIC! LOL.
So far, I am very pleased with the color choices in each room which I carefully selected. The great part in all of this, I'd have to say is the fact that I am forced to deep clean my apartment. It was never "dirty" but I had a chance to see things I found "spaces" for over the five years we have occupied this space.
Mind you, when we initially moved in, I told hubby this place was just our temporary space because I knew I'd be finish with school soon and we would have a home. HA! No such luck. I did finish school and hubby even went back and he just found an amazing job with a huge pay raise and I'm still sitting here twiddling my thumbs waiting to put my "Degrees" (plural) to use.
Nevertheless, with things being the way they are, we will continue to fund the college students and support the extra curricular activities of the children and try to enjoy life as it is. I have decided to make this our home. It has always been that, but I never quite put my touch in every single room 100%.
I am anxious to decorate once the carpet is installed this weekend; I have lots of great ideas for each room.
I am also anxious to get back to blogging and interacting with my BLM Girls. For now, it's decorating, Cheer, Basketball, and everything in between! Until we chat again...

Yeah...It's a Big DEAL Around Here!

If you follow my FB Page you know that my Son and his girlfriend left this morning for school ASU and U of A; we are taking our oldest girl back next week. I have become accustomed to my two older ones leaving me and I don't cry anymore LOL. Even though the two older ones leaving is a big deal around here, we have another BIG deal going on...JJ, our 12 year old is starting 7th grade this year and it is a BIG DEAL for her so it is a BIG DEAL for us as well. Because she attends a school which require uniforms, the fuss is all out the shoes and other accessories. She had a list of shoes she absolutely could not live without for this school year to start. Hubby and I purchased a pair and her loving big sister purchased another pair for her plus two more pair "Just because" they were on sale. Now, this girl is 12 and wears a size 10 shoe so her shoes are not cheap at all! But she's a good kid, makes good grades, and is a stellar athlete so we don't mind treating her to what she wants. There are a couple other shoes on her list but she needs something to work toward right? Not getting her everything she wants when she wants it is motivation!
Now...the mini Diva of the house, Miss Haley specifically wanted high tops so we purchased the Skechers Twinkle Toes for her (the ones that reach her calves); she also has a couple pair of "regular" shoes as she likes to say! Her big brother and sister also purchased 3 pair of Skinny jeans for her from Old Navy (2 were regular skinny and one was Super Skinny and a bunch of graphic tees; Haley's ideal wardrobe!
Haley is starting 3rd grade this year and that's a BIG DEAL as well. 3rd grade is one of the most difficult years in school but we are up for the challenge! Haley wants her hair flat-ironed with twists in the front. I think I can handle that :-) JJ opted for individuals to start the school year with so she was braided yesterday at the shop.
I'm looking forward to a productive year for all my children this year. We have some extra things in the works which I will share with you later.

I know your time and valuable and precious, and I thank you for sharing it with me. Until we chat again...

#31Days, #31Photos Day 11- Corner of My Home

This is where the magic happens

While You Were Away...

When our kids are away from us, we worry about them a great deal; I have adult children now so I am somewhat "accustomed" to my being away and not calling everyday. However, my 12 year old recently left for a couple days and she hardly called at all; I may have received a text from her asking to stay longer but that was it. Although I was in constant contact with the mother of her friend, I didn't hear from her too much. This really bothered me because I usually don't allow them to sleep over but we have spent a lot of time with this family and I was okay with her going. When she returned home, I spoke with her about at least checking in with me periodically while she is away. She didn't see anything wrong with it; she said she was having so much fun that she wasn't thinking about calling me. I reminded her how important it was for her to check in with me; I also reminded her that if she couldn't do that then she would not be staying over again. I think she got the picture!
If you are a parent of a tween like I am, or you have teens, how have you or how would you handle a situation like this?

#31Days, #31Photos Day 10- Morning

Brunch with HIM for his Birthday...

#31Days, #31Photos Day 9- Sweet

My 41st Birthday... SWEET Red Velvet

#31Days, #31Photos Day 8-On My Plate

I need this on my plate!

Want the recipe? Follow me on Pinterest

#31Days, #31Photos Day 7-Close-Up

I have my very own Princess

#31Days, #31Photos Day 6- A Collection

Funny thing is, I have more!

Ouch! You Bit Me!!!

Biting is something that occurs in toddlers between the age of 1-2 years. Biters bite for a number of reasons; believe it or not, biting is a common early childhood stage for some. It is common for biting occur; the child may want attention and cannot express it yet, they may want to get your attention but do not have the vocabulary to express how they are feeling so they do something that will get your attention. Although it may be innocent in nature, no parent wants to be known as the owner of the kid who bites everyone!
What can you do to minimize the frequency of biting as well as discourage the behavior?

  • Be very firm when saying "NO". "No biting!" "That hurts!"
  • Be sure to give attention to the victim of the biter. Comforting the victim will reinforce to the biter that he/she has caused pain to another.
  • Try to redirect the child who is biting to a different activity; encourage activities that are low-impact.
  • You may also need to comfort the biter. Once they see another child crying and you comforting the other child, they may begin to cry themselves. It's okay to comfort the biter because they may not know that they have caused pain.
  • Suggest that the child use words instead of biting.
Usually, timeouts are not necessary at this age. However, if you have a 2-3 year old who is biting and these techniques do not work, you may have to redirect through timeout. Remember: timeout should only be one minute per year of age of the child. For example, a three year old should not sit longer than three minutes.

Happy Parenting!

I know your time is precious and valuable and I thank you for string it with me. Until we chat again...

#31Days, #31Photos Day 5-Hard Work

Hard work really does pay off!

#31Days, #31Photos Day 4-Favorite Color

Purple is... a symbol of royalty

LIKE my Page

#31Days, #31Photos Day 2-Something Treasured

Heritage, Faith, Strength, Wisdom, Love, Dedication, God-fearing

This is my Grandmother (in-law) Justine. I truly treasure and adore this lady right here. She has loved me and my family unconditionally since the first day she ever met us. She is a symbol of all words used above to describe her; a Matriarch in our family. My third child is named after her: Jaedyn Justine (JJ).

Photo Shoot...CHECK!

A while back I wrote a post about having a bucket list and wanting to do things I have put off for one reason or another. Well, a couple months back I checked an item off my bucket list: Having a personal photo shoot for myself. My fellow BLMGirl Tiffany of PoseNPlay Photography was the mastermind behind the camera. I want to share a few  lot of the shots here with you. I was very excited to do this shoot. I wanted to feel sexy and do something I've never done before. Mission accomplished!
Hubby said: "Who walks down an alley in their bra?" I said, "That was the goal of the shoot, to do something I'd never do!" I love my shots and hubby said, "You look gorgeous in every shot!"
I embrace every curve that makes up my wonderful body. I REALLY enjoyed this shoot; I felt like a model for a couple hours. Tiffany did my makeup and she captured my true beauty both inside and out through her lens.

#31Days, #31Photos Day 1-Self Portrait

"Some choices we live not only once, but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives"
When I see this photo of myself taken recently by Tiffany Crawford of PoseNPlay Photography I see a beautiful Daughter, Mother, Wife, Sister, Friend, Mentor, and GOALgetter. I also see something that reminds me of my past and to keep moving forward in a positive light. To know me, is to know my story. My story is one of courage, determination, persistence, and a will to raise the most successful children who, in the eyes of some didn't have a fighting chance. Take the time time out to get to know me... I just may inspire you and change the way you think. Everyone has a story...

I'm Inspired

As many of you know, I belong to a wonderful group known as  BLMand one of the ladies in the group is Ms. Beatrice Clay and she is so inspirational. Last month she inspired many of us through her 31 days to a beautiful life. This month, in August she is inspiring us again and encouraging us to participate in 31 days, 31 photos I plan to participate in this challenge and I hope that you all will as well. I do not have an Instagram so I will use my blog to participate and share. I'm so excited!!! I'm working on my first post right now. Wish me luck!