I'm Not Your Friend, I'm Your Mother...
(I'm venting a little bit today)
Most young girls today need a friend; mother's can be friends. For some, the old adage of "I'm not your friend, I'm your mother" is ingrained in their heads and they honestly don't know how to be a friend and a mother. What is a friend? A friend is "a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations."
Consider that for a minute: a bond of mutual affection; family relations. Sounds like a mother and daughter to me. Being a mother of three young ladies, I understand how important this "bond" and "family relation" are. It has always been important for me to have a meaningful and productive relationship with my children. Knowing how to approach this type of relationship is where it becomes "foggy" for some.
Without going into detail, I have been experiencing a very uncomfortable situation with my 12 year old daughter and a few young ladies at her campus. It was made clear to me that the staff at her school lacked the knowledge of handling this situation due to the level of escalation it reached. To make a long story short, it became clear and evident to me why these young ladies behaved as they did. You'll learn a great deal about an individual after you meet them and speak with them; like the saying, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" type of learning.
For me, being a mother is something I take GREAT pride in; to know me, is to know this. Being a friend to my children as well as their mother is something I have found great comfort in. When I meet a mother and daughter (like I recently did) and I don't see a certain "bond"and communication is absent (as in, you're not aware of what is going on with your child) it makes my heart sad for that child. If this mother has no issue being disrespectful to MY child, it makes me wonder what occurs behind closed doors in their home.
I've been dealing with this situation since August 2011 and it is a shame how our young girls are not being parented. Anyone can be a mother or father; it takes a special individual to be a parent. Does that make sense? I'll say it again, anyone can be a mother or father; it takes a special individual to be a parent. Being a mom or dad could simply mean providing the basics and hoping the child survives in between. Being a parent involves providing basic needs and beyond, being and staying involved in every aspect of their lives no matter how time consuming it becomes, earning the trust of your child/ren so that they know they have a friend in you if not in anyone else; caring, communicating, nurturing, motivating, encouraging...I could go on and on.
I am only one person and I know I can't change the world. I am aware that everyone is cut from a different cloth, come from different backgrounds, social classes, etc. However, the time is NOW to realize what is going on with our young girls out here. When young girls are rude, mean, disrespectful, and they bully others to make themselves feel better, these are warning signs that they are not being parented. We have a tendency to sometimes feel no mercy for that "bad kid" because we believe that kid should know better. Newsflash...that child does not know better. Children are born as a blank slate, "tabla rasa". These behaviors are learned. Who are our children's FIRST teachers? Mom and Dad.
If you're the mother of a young lady or you have two or more young ladies, don't just be their "Mom", be their "PARENT". Young ladies need us to set an example for them. They are, after all, our future. You know that co-worker you just can't stand because she seems to have no training or etiquette? Well...that may very well be one of our daughters if we don't parent them.
I know your time is precious and valuable, and I thank you for sharing it with me. Until we chat again..
Follow @NickiesNiche
Most young girls today need a friend; mother's can be friends. For some, the old adage of "I'm not your friend, I'm your mother" is ingrained in their heads and they honestly don't know how to be a friend and a mother. What is a friend? A friend is "a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations."
Consider that for a minute: a bond of mutual affection; family relations. Sounds like a mother and daughter to me. Being a mother of three young ladies, I understand how important this "bond" and "family relation" are. It has always been important for me to have a meaningful and productive relationship with my children. Knowing how to approach this type of relationship is where it becomes "foggy" for some.
Without going into detail, I have been experiencing a very uncomfortable situation with my 12 year old daughter and a few young ladies at her campus. It was made clear to me that the staff at her school lacked the knowledge of handling this situation due to the level of escalation it reached. To make a long story short, it became clear and evident to me why these young ladies behaved as they did. You'll learn a great deal about an individual after you meet them and speak with them; like the saying, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" type of learning.
For me, being a mother is something I take GREAT pride in; to know me, is to know this. Being a friend to my children as well as their mother is something I have found great comfort in. When I meet a mother and daughter (like I recently did) and I don't see a certain "bond"and communication is absent (as in, you're not aware of what is going on with your child) it makes my heart sad for that child. If this mother has no issue being disrespectful to MY child, it makes me wonder what occurs behind closed doors in their home.
I've been dealing with this situation since August 2011 and it is a shame how our young girls are not being parented. Anyone can be a mother or father; it takes a special individual to be a parent. Does that make sense? I'll say it again, anyone can be a mother or father; it takes a special individual to be a parent. Being a mom or dad could simply mean providing the basics and hoping the child survives in between. Being a parent involves providing basic needs and beyond, being and staying involved in every aspect of their lives no matter how time consuming it becomes, earning the trust of your child/ren so that they know they have a friend in you if not in anyone else; caring, communicating, nurturing, motivating, encouraging...I could go on and on.
I am only one person and I know I can't change the world. I am aware that everyone is cut from a different cloth, come from different backgrounds, social classes, etc. However, the time is NOW to realize what is going on with our young girls out here. When young girls are rude, mean, disrespectful, and they bully others to make themselves feel better, these are warning signs that they are not being parented. We have a tendency to sometimes feel no mercy for that "bad kid" because we believe that kid should know better. Newsflash...that child does not know better. Children are born as a blank slate, "tabla rasa". These behaviors are learned. Who are our children's FIRST teachers? Mom and Dad.
If you're the mother of a young lady or you have two or more young ladies, don't just be their "Mom", be their "PARENT". Young ladies need us to set an example for them. They are, after all, our future. You know that co-worker you just can't stand because she seems to have no training or etiquette? Well...that may very well be one of our daughters if we don't parent them.
I know your time is precious and valuable, and I thank you for sharing it with me. Until we chat again..
Follow @NickiesNiche
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